I'm seriously alive.... like, seriously.

It has been so long that I've decided to actually post something, but I reckon it won't be that long either.

Hello, I'm very much alive, thanks so much for asking (if you did, that is.).

I've survived these few months well enough before I went on a killing spree or actually became suicidal (which happens every other time too, in my defense.... which isn't much of a defense...) and a lot of political correctness went on. Stuffs like "This is the right way to do it, and that's not the way you're supposed to deal with it" happened. Fuck it.

On a different note: I've lost some friends... they're not dead; in fact, very much alive. I don't know. In some sense, I've been happier and I have less people to care about their whereabouts. Suppose that losing friends is what I'm actually good at, therefore I thought of having this particular set of skill to be in my resume soon. Aaaaaaaand, I'm happier, just so you know.

Speaking of moods, I'm not exactly happy either. Earlier, it was more like... I have no burden to care about other people, and I don't have to bother about anything else anymore. But since that happened, I feel pretty much socially incompetent. Fo' rizzles. The more I try to focus on my life, my goals -- long- and short-terms ones -- I feel frustrated and infuriated. I've somewhat trying to make an effort in paving my way toward the future in which -- please God bless this goal of mine -- I hopefully would not have to live in this country ever again.

Again, fo' rizzles.

It's quite stressful enough for me to feel stupid and dumbfounded at the same time, but it's very stressful in another sense; and that sense requires agreements signed in blood.

Well, not literally.

I mean, I'm twenty (and hopefully with a long and prosperous life ahead), a young woman, with wit and a brain that still works (surprisingly), knows and realizes what's right and wrong for her (as we're speaking, there's a lot more to learn, but hey, at least I've got the easy ones checked)...... but when your parents come in your way and be like, "Oh, this is the path you should be taking; no not that, this one!" and shit happens, fails, blah blah blah...

And I very much wish to avoid that at all cost.

Feels like the older you get, you don't get to feel or even grasp the slightest of this thing called "freedom"; but just like how you were when you're five, it's all dictated. Martin Luther King would be really pressed if he was alive and got to know about it...

On a lighter note (pun isn't intended; you'll see why), I haven't bee smoking for more than a month now. Hurrah!

I wanted to type more, but I have tonnes to do which includes binge-watching shows, and read books... also study for my finals which I'm starting not to give a damn about... but I have to... for future's sake.

I guess that's it for now. Till then!