Of Memories and Goodbyes

As I'm typing right now, there is one and a half week left for us to strive. Yes, I mean it this time. I don't know if I'm sad, or rather happy to go back home (um, the fact that I haven't pack my stuffs yet... let's let it slide) and face the same ol' same ol' tragic life of Qila.

My life here had been colourful, I supposed. I had friends, and I had places to lament to. I smiled a lot than at home. I cried a lot this semester, dealt with emotions and being loyal. I think I was selfless enough because I had never been this kind. If I was to compare myself now with whom I was before, I'm far better now. I learned whatever I thought I haven't. I'm happy enough to feel like this: to be able to be there for people, and asked nothing in return.

In semester 1, I found a best friend, and she stayed in a room at the end of the corridor. She was nice, reminded me of stuffs I should remember, woke me up for class (there, made a record, I attended all the classes), and did girly stuffs together. Of course, she had her friends and I... later I was alone. But I think I mingled around so well that I have friends. For once, I was glad I wasn't the 'me' back then where I could sit alone and not care of the world. That 'me' was terribly lonely. Although there were people who disliked me, I shrugged it off. Glad now I wasn't as heartless as before. No emotion. No remorse after committing something. I started to think of my actions, and those actions led me to tears or laughter. I'm happier. At least I am not a robot like I was in the past.

Semester 2, however, I started to feel like I was back in school. The fact that there was someone who was from school in my class, I was terrified. All of them gave me a cold shoulder that I didn't speak to anyone, or I'll stay cautious. I became the high school me for weeks until I told myself, "Let your guard down.". I found friends, left some behind and became the 'hoo ha me' again. I remember dancing to Growl in class. It was rad! Although I managed to get back to normal, I was worse than last semester. Everything to me was mediocre that it had me thinking what I did during the solid four months.

And... Yes, I regretted things a lot. The fact that there are a lot more to learn and to appreciate makes me want to turn back time and enjoy them. As of now, I'm breathing the heavy sigh of despair, wishing I had had fun in a year and laughed and smiled more. Life here was a roller coaster. It taught me useful lessons and lessons I won't get anywhere but in this very campus.

But as soon as the car drives out of the campus, new chapter will begin, I will leave everything behind and shall only take those memories that I have documented and feel happy if I recall.