What Is Love?

Sorry for the very obviously ignorance title. The title is inspired by a song by a new SM Entertainment group, EXO.

It hits me when my best bud Damia, asked me, "Don't you have a crush, Fatihah?" I frowned at that question when I was in the car, from school to home. I'm quite curious about that myself. Am I a bi or somewhat a lesbian (no offence!) but as I considered those thoughts, phew, I'm not a lesbian.

But for one thing I do believe - love will come when the time comes.

I don't argue why some people find peace of mind with their boyfriends and girlfriends when I, fan-girling over boys that doesn't even know I existed. Is it a crime to love someone who doesn't know that you actually exist on the face of the Earth?

Probably I gave a lot of 'catching the fish you want' tips to my friends, well it would be ironic if the person who gave out the tips is a girl that doesn't have any kind of 'real love' experience. Really, I don't have the experience. But thanks to magazines that I bought (with my Mum's or aunt's money) like Seventeen gave out the tips, I read without any kind of interest, and when a friend of mine asked me about these 'catching the fish you want' tips, I'll give them out. Whatever that was printed on Seventeen, actually. So probably that's why Damia's wondered.

I do want to fall in love. It's a joke of the year if I say I don't. But for the time being, falling in love is not a good idea at all. I have my Dad who reads my text messages and knows every one of my friends names. I have my Mum, who has high expectations on me and my exam results. I have my brothers who watches every of my moves. I have Korean and Japanese boys I adore. My social life is not a social life. I only talk to girls. I get awkward around boys whom I barely know. And if there are boys who hoots me from a far, I gave no mind towards them or if I'm getting angrier, my middle finger is shown.

My parents gives me advises. One of those million advises sounds like this, "If you want to fall in love, now is strictly not the time. We're very worried of your exams. We want the best from you so that you wouldn't have to cling on us and become less independent. If you want to have a boyfriend, please, after all those university and college years - when you've got a good and stable job. We won't hesitate to let you have a boyfriend then, but do bear in mind that whatever you do comes its consequence. And remember, people nowadays are not like those in our time. Boys that you actually devote all your heart and soul can be bad. So remember, take care of yourself."

After I register that advise into my brain, I swear I thought of being single and never ready to mingle is the best way to overcome my feeling to fall in love.

But as I grew older, I felt silly. I don't mind, adoring Korean and Japanese boys that I'll may be meet once or twice in my life, but if we do encounter each other, could my 'oppa' or 'ichiban' remembers me? They have millions of fans world wide and I'm just one of those fans.

I have a confession that I'm a bit strange than other girls of my age. When boys actually look at me, I'll start acting like a boy. Punching my innocent brother. Very boyish for a girl. I'm very weird. Very, very weird.

So I'm not that ignorant girl who doesn't know what is love. I do know, only I act like I don't. But I do believe that my love will come when it's the time. Ah, wouldn't it be lovely if it would? And it would be even lovelier if my 'oppa' or my 'ichiban' is my love of life. But it's not possible, isn't it?